Today feeling unusually down. AND PISSED. All my stuff are ruined. I wanted to study damn hard for maths, but my brain keeps drifting off, then when i try, my brain is dead. Then, I was supposed to go back to RSS tmr. But it ended up as no one was coming with me. Both going out with friends. A person (if you know don't be offended but this is my true feelings) told me: Don't think everyone as free as you. Its not that I'm very free and I don't wanna do anything else but coop myself at home even though its the last day of exams, its the fact that I can't. My parents are never gonna let me step foot of the house on an outing forever until i grow up to be an adult i guess. But seriously, I have never been on an outing with my friends nor walk home with any of them. And the worst is that both of the people who I was supposed to go with didn't bother to tell me that they weren't going until asked. What if I had to be alone the next day? I know this is selfish but seriously, if it were me, i would've told the person i agreed to go with first.
Most of the times when I go home (I go by the front gate), I would walk out with my friends towards the bus stop. When I'm at the bus stop I stop my footsteps then they would look a little surprised before saying: Oh bye. Cya. I look at them with envy as they walk with "freedom". Some of them find it a bother but by walking home yourself, you don't have to worry about people waiting for you and the nagging they give. My parents for one love to complain alot. OK, I think it is alright for them to complain because it is true waiting is not fun. But they keep blaming me for it. Its the cca or teacher's fault ok? So when i say is the cca ppl let me off late, then they complain why i cannot 自动。Then when I say cannot wear watch, they say I should tell them. But even if I do, sometimes they forget and don't let us off on time. Then they tell me to change cca, or better don't have a cca. I need a cca ok. In your wonderful world I know everyone listens to you and you have things your way but it isn't like that. I have been living in your idealistic world for 13 years and I know its because you care but why don't you spare a thought for me. The biggest problem is that, even if they put themselves in my shoes, their way of thinking will not change and their rules and idealistic ways will still kick in, making them feel superior and always right. Then they love to say, last time you very guai always listen to us now you like to rebel. Please, when i don't have a mind of my own i listen cause i dun noe. Now I can think for myself then you claim i rebel. So should I brainwash myself to listen to you so you will be pleased? So I should just go out and work like you said. Saves myself all the trouble.
The next problem will be saying that I stay out to work to long.
When will I be free...?
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